One day I woke up and thought to myself, “I want to purchase a large number of wigs, cosmetics, and colored contact lenses, and become a completely normal yet completely different person every Wednesday night in October.” And so that is what I did.
Every Wednesday night, you see, I attend a board game meetup with a lot of my dear friends. And typically, when I attend these meetups, I look like my normal self, which is mostly red, white, and blue.
Terrible fish-eyed phone pictures aside, I generally look more presentable than that, in that if I ever look too much like that during the day I will wear a paper bag over my head for the sake of public well-being. But I thought it was an important picture to present, as I was about to rearrange everything in the hopes of looking like a completely different person.
I began with the contact lenses. I bought these contact lenses at the very reasonable price of $6 from a Chinese company that has clearly taken every precaution to make sure that I don’t suddenly go blind. I’m sure it’s totally safe, but I won’t share where I got them from because I’m too lazy to link it, and also I don’t want to be the cause of blindness for anyone else.
I’m getting very good at putting contact lenses in: This set only took me one to three hours, two bottles of saline solution, and a small sacrifice to the contact lens gods.
Once I was sufficiently greened up, it was time to put on the wig cap and apply makeup with a painter’s roller and a flat iron, as you do.
I won’t share what makeup I used, as you can generally go to Walgreens and find the names of it under the “Manufacturer recall” notification, but I will share that it was all the cheapest of whatever I could find, and I applied it very carefully via fingerpainting.
I can still see freckles! Slap on some more!
The wig was next, of course, as was the hat to go on top of the wig to hide the fact that the wig resembled a $5 wig in every way because that’s what it was.
I primarily own hats so that I don’t have to worry about that section of my hair.
And that was… it, really. Next week will be a different wig and set of contacts. Why, you may or may not be asking? Because… um… you know, when I have a reason, I’ll get back to you.
Sadly, all my outfits will only ever be “very, very white girl.”